


One Moment

by anxious_bees



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Canon Universe, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Smut, Falling In Love, Fluff, M/M, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-27
Updated: 2020-11-27
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:15:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27743599
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anxious_bees/pseuds/anxious_bees
Summary: Though this talk was brief when Commander Sadies screamed at the 104th cadet corps, it was one that everyone always had in their minds – love was a blinding force that restricted soldiers on the battlefield and halted them on their missions. And especially with the limited contact with those who weren’t on the force, it was drilled into their heads even harder – no fraternising with other soldiers.Moments between Levi and Eren where this rule is eventually forgotten.
Relationships: Levi/Eren Yeager
Comments: 14
Kudos: 191





	One Moment

**Author's Note:**

> Based on the Attack on Titan anime up to the end of season three - some scenes from canon have been altered for the purpose of this fanfic. Enjoy!

There was no time for romance in the middle of a war. 

Though this talk was brief when Commander Sadies screamed at the 104th cadet corps, it was one that everyone always had in their minds – love was a blinding force that restricted soldiers on the battlefield and halted them on their missions. And especially with the limited contact with those who weren’t on the force, it was drilled into their heads even harder – no fraternising with other soldiers.

For Eren Jaeger, it never crossed his mind that this would be a problem. All that he could think about was the elimination of titans, so he slaved away and pushed through training, no girl ever turning his head, even if they tried to catch his attention. He would not be dragged down when he was destined to save humanity and slay every last titan. As he watched his comrades get killed with no remorse or time to mourn, his heart closed off even tighter, and he swore to himself that he would not think about his fallen friends, even though he couldn’t control how their ghosts visited him in his nightmares. 

He saw the pain around him – he saw how Armin’s eyes trailed on Annie as they sparred; he saw Ymir’s longing gaze as she hovered over Christa; he winced when he watched Hannah scream and frantically perform CPR on Franz’s remaining body; he even felt guilt knowing that Mikasa’s protective nature and soft tones were only reserved for him – and it only cemented his determination to never fall for anyone.

So when he looked up to his saviour in the Trost District, the Wings of Liberty flying in the wind as Captain Levi of the Survey Corps turned to glance at him, Eren wouldn’t let himself think about how his stomach tightened at the sight of Humanity’s Strongest Soldier coming to his rescue, how he couldn’t bring himself to look away from his cold steely gaze. 

No, the captain would not catch Eren’s attention outside of training and experimentation. Out of sight, out of mind.

*

A blinding light flashed in front of the Special Operations Squad, lightening clapping deafeningly, causing them to be blown away from the benches. Those who managed to find their footing wielded their swords, turning towards the titan-shifter and readying for attack. 

As Eren came to, his muscles tensed as he saw his comrades bracing themselves in an offensive position, glaring at him with contempt. He finally noticed how he was stood atop his poorly-formed titan – how, and why, he had spontaneously shifted, he did not know. 

What he did know was that his hand was still fused inside the skin, burning his wrist. He could also hear Petra, Eld, and Gunther screaming at him, demanding he prove he was not hostile. And he also noticed how Captain Levi was stood the closest to him – though he was not poised to kill. His back was to him and he was staring out at his troops with a calm but firm demeanour, ordering them to step away.

As Hange came sprinting over, screaming in maddened delight at Eren’s progress, his sight remained trailed on the captain, who was still standing his ground. Levi’s certainty and trust in Eren’s unstable ability was something he wanted to admire, but could only equate to suicidal recklessness, or simply the hunger for a challenge. Though no one harboured the hatred for titans that Eren did, he did not doubt that the captain’s own distaste wasn’t too different from his. 

As he disconnected from the titan’s back and tumbled to the ground, the captain did not extend a hand to help him with his fall. He walked over to his side, surveying the man trembling on his knees.

“S-sorry, Captain,” Eren whispered, bringing a hand up to his forehead. 

Levi didn’t say anything, looking down at him. “So are you feeling okay or what?” he asked coolly. 

Every part of his body was shaking – his vision was swimming violently. “Not exactly.”

A hand came onto his shoulder, Levi’s grip oddly gentle. “That’s enough experimentation today. Let’s get you inside.”

“Levi!” Hange screamed. “This is the furthest we’ve got! You can’t take Eren off me now!”

“You can have him tomorrow,” Levi drawled, pulling Eren up from under his arm. “The rest of you can continue your cleaning jobs.”

Eren could hear everyone sigh, though it was quickly drowned out by Hange’s cries of protest. They walked towards the squad headquarters alone, Levi’s hand still supporting Eren. 

“Do you want to explain why you did that?” he asked, his voice low. 

“I don’t know,” Eren answered. “I just went to pick up my spoon and – and it just happened,”

Levi sighed as they walked through to the kitchen, letting go of Eren so he could sit down. “See, this is something we want to avoid. The Military Scout Regiment were concerned that this would happen.”

“I know – I’m sorry, Captain.” 

Levi raised his eyebrows at Eren, folding his arms and leaning against the table. “I don’t think I’m allowed to be angry with you. This is nothing we’ve ever seen before – and I thought I’d seen it all when it came to titans.”

Eren scoffed. “I wish it had stayed that way.”

“We can work with this – having a power titans have never seen before will be our advantage. And hey – you can shift now. Hopefully, that’s broken down a barrier.”

“Yeah.” Eren looked up at the captain, feeling his face grow hot as he found himself admiring Levi, unable to tear his eyes away from his captivating stare. “Thank you, Captain – for protecting me.”

Something in Levi’s expression softened, his eyebrows unfurrowing. “I am positive there will be a time when we need you – it would be a shame to waste our opportunity. Also, I know Hange would be after my blood if I let anyone kill you prematurely.” 

Eren found himself huffing out a laugh. “A fate worse than the titans, I’m sure.”

He swore he heard a loud exhale come from Levi’s nose, but before he knew it, the captain had turned around to walk out. “Eat something then finish cleaning the kitchen. Don’t think I haven’t noticed you missing the top of the cabinets.”

“Uh – “ 

The door shut, leaving Eren alone. 

*

They sat next to each other in the cart bringing the deceased squad back into Wall Rose. The guilt and fear was eating Eren up as they approached home, knowing that the Military Corps were waiting for him. 

He turned to look at the captain. Levi was staring straight ahead, his expression hard and unreadable. After he had wrapped up his subordinates and friends, he hadn’t looked back at them since. Eren looked down at his hands, seeing that he had Petra’s wings patch held between his fingers. 

“Captain?”

Levi didn’t turn his head. Eren squirmed in his seat and tried again. “Captain?”

“Yes?” His voice was clipped and quiet.

“What are they going to do to me?”

Levi remained silent, not acknowledging Eren straight away. His fingers tightened around the patch. “Most likely they’ll experiment on you. Alive, potentially. Then when they’ve found everything they can, they will end up killing you so they can dissect you properly.” 

Even though he knew that was a possibility, Eren felt his stomach drop. “Oh.” There wasn’t much that scared him anymore, and if he was honest, his own death wasn’t something he really had time to worry about. But knowing it was going to happen at the hands of humans, knowing it was coming in a dark room rather than on the battlefield – suddenly, the fear was creeping in. 

His breathing pattern must have changed, because Levi’s eyes broke out of their fixed stare, glancing at Eren. “You know we won’t let that happen. Commander Erwin and I have already started consulting about a plan in which we prevent a hand-off. We’re not done with you yet.” 

“Isn’t that a court martial offence?” Eren asked worriedly. “You can’t be thrown out, Captain. The world needs you more than they need me.”

“Like they’re going to be able to stop me,” Levi snarled. “Not now. Never again.”

Eren felt his hands twitch, wishing he could reach out to him. Anger and pain was raging in his eyes, even though the rest of his face remained stoic. 

Levi was always put together, had always been calm and matter-of-fact amongst all the hardship he had seen in his life. But with his entire squad now gone, he could see some cracks appearing in his manner. 

“Captain – I’m sorry that I couldn’t do more. I should have killed the Female Titan when I had the chance – “

“Don’t,” Levi interrupted, head snapping sideways, eyes piercing Eren’s. “Don’t even start. My squad knew what they were doing and what they died for. Maybe it was just for a brat like you, but it was – and still is – important. I could have been there sooner. You could be more skilled as a titan. You could have not been ripped out the nape. There’s a lot of things that could have changed the outcome of… regardless, you’re alive so we accomplished that, at least. So, don’t fucking grovel – you’ll make me sick.”

Eren swallowed painfully, feeling hot tears prick his eyes. This wasn’t the right time – but in his passion, in his vigour and anger, Eren had never seen someone look so beautiful. 

No. 

“I won’t, Captain. I promise I will avenge your – our squad.”

Levi’s mouth twitched, and his hands tensed when Eren’s left came to rest on his for a couple of seconds. “We will.”

*

Levi was laid in a hospital bed, staring at the ceiling without seeing, trying to silence his thoughts. When fighting, he never thought about the world around him. He didn’t think about anything. 

A knock sounded at the door and he had to suppress a groan. “Erwin, not right now. Give me another day.”

“It’s me, Captain.”

Levi lifted his head, seeing green eyes flashing through the crack of the door. “Hi, brat,” he sighed. “Hange sent you?”

“No. I just wanted to make sure you were okay.” He shut the door behind him, walking over to the chair next to his bed. 

“I thought you weren’t supposed to go anywhere either,” Levi grumbled. 

Eren chuckled under his breath. “Supposedly.” He sat down, looking at his superior. “Annie got you good then.”

Levi scoffed. “Something like that,” he muttered, looking back up at the ceiling. “I can’t believe this. Here I was hoping you were the only freak, and yet here we are.”

Eren flinched. “I’m nothing like that bitch,” he hissed, his knuckles whitening as he clenched his fists. “Nothing.”

Levi waved his hand nonchalantly, his expression bored. “Whatever. Same ability. Now we need to look out for everyone who could be a titan-shifter. Anyone on the 104th squad.”

Eren shuddered at the thought. “I don’t want to think that anyone else I know could be a traitor,” he whispered, looking down at his hands. 

Levi looked back at the other man. Unlike himself, he was void of scars – stupid healing abilities – but that didn’t erase the trauma that he was experiencing. The captain could see the never-ending tremor running through Eren’s body, his fingers vibrating in his lap, his knees bouncing up and down. 

“Oi, shithead,” Levi called out, watching Eren’s head snap up. “Stop moving. It’s distracting.”

His expression turned from concerned to more neutral as he tried to steady his involuntary movements. “Okay.” 

A silence passed between the two. For the first time in several weeks, there was a minute of quiet. No screaming, no fighting, no titans. Sure, it was going to kick up all over again before they knew it, but in this strange moment, the two men let themselves bask in this temporary solidarity. 

Out of all his new recruits, Eren was not the most intolerable. He had talent – more talent than those dumbasses Jean and Sasha – but he was still a shit-eating kid and was irrational and fuelled by rage. However, in his less passionate moments, he was quiet and careful. Levi would see him staring out of windows into the open air, seemingly lost in thought, something clouding over his vision. Apart from him being a titan-shifter, there was something truly intriguing about Eren, and Levi couldn’t help but be pulled in by this strange man. 

He was doing this right now, staring out the hospital window at the Stohess District. His expression had softened as he gazed upon the streets, watching people mill about. His hands were now clasped on his lap, still and silent. 

Levi found himself staring at Eren, admiring his strong bone structure in his face, neck, and shoulders, admiring his hair which was beginning to overgrow. And when Eren turned back to Levi and asked him what he was thinking about, Levi looked back up and grunted out a sarky comment, realising that on top of all the things he didn’t want to think about, he had to add this stupid brat to the list.

*

Mikasa, Armin, and Levi were all stood around Eren, watching him shake and grimace, his entire body coated in sweat. 

“He’s never been this bad after shifting back,” Armin muttered, worry laced in his tone. 

“He’s been working so hard – I’ve never seen him do that before,” Mikasa said. “Those titans –”

Levi said nothing as the two conspired, instead keeping his eyes on the writhing boy. After the battle with the titans and Eren’s face-off with the titan that killed his mother, he was left exhausted and had passed out in the field. It had been days since then, and he was still bedridden. 

Eren gasped out, his eyelids fluttering open and shut. Though he wasn’t asleep, he was not aware of his surroundings, looking beyond his friends and superior officer. 

Levi looked back at the other two. “You need to go and rest,” he said, coming away from the wall to stand behind the chair Mikasa was sitting on.

She turned to glare at him. “I won’t leave him,” she argued, looking back to Armin for support. 

“I don’t doubt you,” Levi replied, trying not to be irritated by the desperate girl. “However, you two have been in here for over forty-eight hours and need some proper sleep. I will keep an eye on him.”

Mikasa’s expression didn’t change, but she got up, her touch lingering on Eren’s hand for a second longer before leaving the room. 

Armin walked after her, but not before turning back to Levi, panic shimmering in his eyes. “Will you tell us if anything happens?”

He was a small and nerve-wracked boy, but Levi still had a lot of respect for Armin – despite his nervous disposition, he couldn’t help but see parts of Erwin reflected in his eyes.  
“You will be the first to know. Rest.” 

He nodded and retreated from the room, closing the door gently. 

Levi took the chair next to Eren, thankful that his movements were lessening, though he was still perspiring at an alarming rate. He didn’t seem to notice Armin and Mikasa’s departure, though his head did whip around to look at the captain, eyes unfocused. 

He chose not to say anything, instead observing Eren until his body relaxed and his breathing regulated over the next couple of hours. Levi’s own eyelids began to droop as he slumped on the wooden chair, a crushing tiredness threatening to pull him under. 

“Captain?”

His eyes shot open when he heard the raspy voice, looking at Eren’s weary form. His eyes were lidded, staring at him with exhaustion and fright. 

“Evening,” he replied, pulling his chair closer. “How are you feeling?”

Eren tried to push his upper-body up but failing as his arms gave out beneath him. “Really hot,” he gasped, bringing his hand to his brow, touching the sweat on his forehead. “How long have I been here?”

“Three days. Nothing’s changed much – but you’re alive, so that’s a bonus.”

“I don’t understand what’s wrong with me.”

Levi looked down at Eren’s right hand, which was bandaged up – the bleeding had only just been stopped and the wounds weren’t healing as fast as usual. “Our working theory is that you’ve overworked yourself – you were straining yourself in titan form and pushed yourself over the edge when you lead the attack onto Reiner and Bertholdt. Whatever you did, it’s knocked all the energy out of you.”

“Ah.” Eren rubbed his eyes, sighing deeply. “I forgot about that.”

“It’s something new, but it’s not to our disadvantage.” Levi crossed his arms, folding one ankle over the other. “Controlling other titans – I think that’s all we could have hoped for.”

Eren didn’t say anything immediately, his hands still trembling. “It was that one – the one that killed my mother. I never thought I’d see it again – and I wish I could have – I don’t understand why I didn’t – “ 

His breathing was becoming irregular again as tears leaked down his cheeks, his face screwed up in anguish. Levi’s chest seized with sympathy. 

He looked down at the bucket of cold water next to the bed, a sponge floating inside. He grabbed it, squeezing any excess water out before smoothing it over Eren’s forehead, making him jump at the contact. 

“What are you doing, Captain?” Eren stammered, his tone thick with emotion and confusion. 

“You need to calm down, Eren,” Levi said softly, the skin of the boy occasionally scorching his fingertips. “You’re overheating as it is, and I don’t need you having a breakdown right now.” He dipped the sponge back into the water. “You may not have done it personally, but it is dead now because of you. I know how much you wanted to do it yourself, but what’s done is done.”

He knew Eren was thinking otherwise, but he didn’t say it aloud. Though his breaths were shallow, and his tears were still falling, he quietened, choking down his grief. 

“You did good, brat,” Levi whispered, nodding at him. “We’re all proud of you. I am proud of you.”

Eren turned to look at the captain, his eyes reddened, tear tracks traced on his skin. “Captain... “

Words escaped him as he sighed into the cool touch, his eyes fluttering shut. Levi didn’t really know what he was doing, let alone why he was doing it, but he took Eren’s bandaged hand gently, running a thumb over where he had bit a chunk of skin away. Eren’s fingers curled around his subconsciously, his breathing evening out as he settled down into his bed, his head still turned towards Levi. 

“What was your mother like?” Eren whispered, his eyes still closed. 

Levi’s arm stiffened, though he didn’t stop wiping his forehead. “She wasn’t around long. But she loved me as much as a mother should, I suppose. Despite her profession.”

“Profession?”

“She was a woman of the night in the – where I used to live. It was the only way she could make money to support the both of us. However, it got to the point where that wasn’t enough, and I had to watch her fade away.” Something got caught in his throat and he coughed as quietly as he could.

Eren’s brow furrowed, taking his time to take in Levi’s words. “My mum didn’t work – Father brought all the money in as a doctor. She would sew and make all of our clothes. She always made herself the most gorgeous dresses. She would write, too.”

Levi nodded. “She sounds like she was a lovely woman.”

“She was.” Eren’s lower lip was trembling, his eyes screwing up. More tears slipped down his cheeks.

Levi wiped them away carefully with the back of his hand. “When she was well, my mother would dance with me – sometimes, I would beg her to let me wear her petticoat so we could both spin with our skirts. Naturally, it was too big on me so I would always trip. She would then pick me up and spin us both together.”

Eren hummed in response. “Was she beautiful?” 

“Some would say so. She was, once upon a time.”

“My mother was beautiful.”

“No kidding.”

One of Eren’s eyes opened, squinting at the captain. Levi jaw tensed, trying not to cuss himself out loud. A shit-eating grin appeared on his face, albeit a weak one. “Thanks, Captain.”

Levi grumbled. “Don’t push it – you already know too much about me and I will never share anything more than that.”

“Sure thing.”

“And if you tell anyone about this, I will kill you where you stand.”

“Of course, sir.”

Levi paused before letting the corner of his mouth turn up slightly, looking into the dull green eyes in front of him. “And you can call me by my name when we’re not on duty.”

Eren wiped away the remainder of his tears, smiling tentatively. “Okay… Levi.”

He pushed down the feeling of his stomach flipping in exultation when he heard the boy say his name.

*

“Yes! Eren, the hardening titan worked!” Hange jumped up and down, exclaiming in delight. “We can now kill titans without harming another soldier!” She turned back to Eren, hoping to see some happiness mirrored in him, except he was kneeling on the floor, his nose bleeding profusely. Levi was by his side, a worried hand on his shoulder.

Hange was both anxious about pushing the younger boy too far and surprised to see the captain showing a strange concern for somebody so openly. “I’m sorry, Eren – is everything okay?” she asked tentatively. 

Eren raised his head, holding his nose. “Don’t worry, Hange,” he said, his voice more chipper than she expected. “I just worked myself a little too hard, that’s all.”

Levi’s eyebrows disappeared behind his bangs as he looked at the boy with disapproval. Hange’s own eyebrows shot up as the captain helped Eren up, his hand still on his arm, muttering to him under his breath. Eren nodded at Levi, a small smile appearing on his lips as he looked back at the man. Levi squeezed his arm before letting go, turning back to Hange, the softness in his expression melting away, replaced with determination. “Are we ready to retake Wall Maria with this hardening ability?” he asked her.

Hange nodded excitedly. “We’re all set.”

Eren’s eyes lit up – for the first time in a while, he looked like he had found his purpose. “Let’s go! Let’s get to the basement.”

“I can’t believe we’re going to get there,” Levi mused, glancing back at Eren once again, a small smile pulling at the corners of his mouth.

Hange felt her own lips twitch as she saw what she could only describe as fondness in the captain’s expression – but she remembered seeing this expression on his face before when he looked at Petra, and her heart sank slightly. Still, despite the dire circumstances that never seemed to end, Hange could not help but feel some happiness at Levi’s warming towards somebody else, even if the chance of it ending badly was inevitable. 

*

“Captain, please!”

Eren couldn’t believe he was so close, so close to saving his best friend, only for the opportunity to be stolen away from him because of a fucking novice, and Levi, who would always choose Commander Erwin over anyone else. 

Tears spurted uncontrollably from his eyes, his vision blurring as he cried out miserably, Armin’s burnt body laying abandoned. Mikasa’s sobs sounded behind him with grunts from Hange mixed in as she restrained her. Floch was still shouting at Eren, and Connie and Sasha were stood on the rooftop, gawping at Armin, Erwin, and Bertholdt. 

Levi was stood opposite Eren, eyes wide and mad, blood covering his face, dripping into his eyes, his raven hair matted and rough. His mouth was curled into a hostile snarl, clutching the injection protectively as he braced himself against Eren’s fury. 

“You were holding out hope for Erwin!” Eren screamed at Levi. “That’s why you hesitated! You said you’d use it on Armin!”

“I’m using it on the one who will save humanity.” Levi’s voice was devoid of passion, his body turned away from Armin. 

Eren grabbed for the injection, unable to feel the usual spark that occurred when he touched the captain’s hand.

“Eren.” He could hear the defeat in Levi’s tone. “Please leave your emotions out of this.”

Anger and anguish flared throughout his body. “Because you aren’t using your own?!”

He grabbed for the box again, and in an instant felt blinding pain as he was kicked away, tumbling across the roof. 

As Mikasa screamed and fought against Levi and Hange, Eren lay there, immobilised by grief. He knew he was asking the captain to make an impossible choice, but he knew Armin was more than a tagalong from himself and Mikasa. He was a talented, determined, and intelligent soldier. And he was his best friend. There was no one like Armin. 

He cried out to Levi, desperate for the captain to hear him. He came up with so many plans and ideas that worked – Armin was the reason the Colossal Titan had fallen, the reason they were here right now. He couldn’t look at him. 

Nothing was changing – Levi called out for everyone to clear the roof in preparation to have Erwin eat Bertholdt. 

Somehow, Eren found his last bit of strength – he was exhausted and heartbroken and completely drained, but somehow, he mustered up enough inside him so he could crawl up the roof and grabbed onto Levi’s ankle. 

“Captain… do you know about the sea?”

Levi looked down and Eren could see the torrent of emotions shining in his eyes, though he glared down at his subordinate. 

Eren continued, his voice thick with tears. “No matter how far you look, it stretches past the horizon. Armin said – “ 

He was cut off by Floch, who grabbed his arms and pulled him away from Levi, cursing at him loudly. Eren powered on despite his crying, despite how his mouth was aching from the loss of half his teeth, despite the feeling that his world was crashing down around. 

“That was our dream since we were little, and I forgot about it long ago! Avenging my mom – killing the titans – the only thoughts in my head are full of hate!” He turned to the burnt body, screaming out. “But he’s not like that – Armin cares about more than just fighting! He has dreams! He has – “ 

Emotion choked him and he stopped speaking, only gazing at Levi with a pleading stare, wishing he could say more, hoping that the captain would hear him.

Instead, he was met with a blank stare and cold words to get off the rooftop. 

They were dragged away; both Mikasa and Eren kept sobbing weakly as they evacuated several streets away. Levi was knelt by Erwin, syringe at the ready.   
Eren turned away, hiding his face in his arm. 

Moments passed and no one could hear anything. No burst of energy, no lightening, no transformation. The only thing that could be heard was the remainder of the 104th squad’s cries. Sasha was sobbing on Connie’s shoulder whilst Jean had an arm around Mikasa, his face screwed up in misery. 

Suddenly, Hange gasped and Floch cried out in indignation. Boots hit the roof and a weight landed lightly afterwards. 

Eren looked up reluctantly, not trusting himself to look at the captain without lunging at him immediately. However, his breath was cut short as he saw Commander Erwin laid by Levi’s feet. 

He looked beyond them and saw a scrawny blond titan reaching out for the screaming body of Bertholdt. 

“Armin,” he breathed, beginning to cry anew. Without thinking, he got up and threw himself forward with his ODM gear, hearing Mikasa and the other 104th squad members following him. 

The other soldiers gathered around the commander’s body. Levi was knelt by his head alongside Hange, his head bowed. Floch stood behind Levi, his expression screwed up with confusion. 

“Why did you… “Floch seemed lost for words, his anger dissipating. 

Levi didn’t turn to him, his sight set on Erwin. He was muttering to the commander, his tone hoarse and breaking. Hange pulled back his eyelids, quietly announcing he was already dead. 

He gasped quietly, and for the first time in years, heat pricked his eyes as he looked down at his dead friend. “I see.”

*

Armin was recovered and due to everybody’s exhaustion from fighting and recovering as many bodies as possible, they set up camp, preparing for the exploration of the basement the following day. 

Thankfully, not all the buildings in Shiganshina had been destroyed, so the Corps found an old merchant’s house to sleep for the night. Hange immediately made them all rest, ordering as the new commander succeeding Erwin. Though Levi protested, Hange’s strange firmness made everyone find a room to sleep in after they had a rationed dinner, eating in silence. 

As usual, sleep didn’t come to Eren as it should. He tossed and turned relentlessly, falling in and out of consciousness. Even though Armin had to fend him off earlier frequently, telling Eren he was fine, he was still anxious at the state of his friend and was worrying himself about an accidental titan shift in the middle of the night. 

After hours of restlessness, Eren gave up on sleep, tiptoeing out of his room to find Armin’s room. However, he didn’t get as far as he wanted, as he heard grunts and gasps coming from downstairs – Eren could see the room was lit up dully by candlelight. He walked quietly down the stairs, his guard up, fearful that either Reiner or that strange man had returned. He opened the door carefully.

Instead, he was surprised to see Levi on his knees on the floor, scrubbing the stone with a sponge. He was dressed in his night clothes, a handkerchief tied around his nose and mouth, and he was panting as he cleaned, his back turned to Eren. He had not noticed his entrance. 

So not to startle him, Eren cleared his throat gently. “Captain?”

Levi jumped slightly, his head snapping around, eyes bloodshot. Immediately, he glared at the younger man, his hand still moving across the floor. “What do you want, shithead?” he snapped, turning back around. 

Eren felt his throat tighten as he stepped forward tentatively, peering around at the captain. “Why are you up doing this? We’re only here for the night, you don’t have to… “ 

“Yes, I do. There’s a lot of things you don’t understand, brat.” Levi was spitting his words out like poison – though his volume was low, Eren could feel every word pierce his ears. “This place is fucking filthy and I won’t have it.”

“Captain, you need to sleep.” Eren walked around to Levi’s front, kneeling down in front of him. The captain stood up, grabbing a cloth on the table and started to scrub the wood vigorously. “You’ve been awake for too long, this isn’t good for you.” 

Levi barked out a bitter laugh, still not making eye contact with him. “I’ll be damned if anything I do is going to be good for me. Just fuck off and stop bothering me.”

Something inside Eren wasn’t letting up as he moved closer to Levi again, this time putting a hand on top of his. “Levi, please – “

A hand shot out to grab Eren’s throat, turning and slamming him into the wall, almost lifting him off his feet. Though he stood shorter than the younger boy, his rage made Eren shrink as Levi got into his face, his expression thunderous. 

“Don’t – call – me – that – “he growled lowly, grip tightening around his neck. “Don’t fucking touch me. What makes you think you know what’s good for me? What makes you think you have any fucking right to talk to me like your my equal? Get out of my way and let me work!”

“Captain, you aren’t okay!” Eren found himself crying out, cringing at how loud he was, lowering his voice. “You don’t need to do this right now, just please go to bed.”

Levi pushed Eren against the brick roughly, shoving himself away from him, picking up the cloth again. Eren saw his fingers were shaking violently and that his knuckles were bloody. “You don’t understand – I have to. If nothing is perfect, if nothing is clean, then what do I have? My thoughts? We don’t get along very well, so I’d rather stay away from them, thanks. So everything needs to be perfect and clean, and then I’ve done something worthwhile.”

His voice was growing thick with emotion. Eren’s heart was bursting. 

“I know how you’re feeling about Commander Erwin – “Eren began to say weakly, but regretted it instantly when Levi turned around, eyes blazing. 

“Don’t you fucking dare pretend like you aren’t ecstatic with my decision, shithead! You got what you wanted! So don’t even talk to me about knowing how I fucking feel!” Levi was heaving heavily, forgetting there were others asleep upstairs. “I’ve lost everything I could possibly lose, and I had the chance, a chance I’ve never had, to save someone at last! And I didn’t – so what, should I be happy? Look at the positives? Fuck off and fuck that!”

He was sobbing freely, his face wet, though he seemed completely unaware of the fact. Eren was terrified, having never seen the captain lose control like this before. He felt his own tears threaten to surface, but he wrestled it down – he pushed away from the wall, moving towards Levi. 

Initially, he fought and struggled as Eren attempted to encase Levi in his arms, fists pounding against his back, tearing at his sleepshirt. But as Eren kept holding onto the captain, his arms holding his shoulders, Levi’s resistance weakened and his volume fell – he became limp in Eren’s grip, hands resting feebly on his chest with his head fallen into the crook of his neck. 

Eren’s face was pressed against the dark hair, letting a couple of tears slip. “I’m so sorry, Levi,” he whispered, fingers massaging his back gently, trying to calm him down.

All that came from Levi was defeated sobs, heaving against Eren, wetting his skin. His hands curled around the fabric of Eren’s shirt, trembling all throughout. Eren started to rub his back and the top of his neck, feeling the light fuzz of his undercut, wishing he could take all of his pain away. In the time he had known Levi, and from all the stories that he heard, the captain had never taken a moment to grieve a loss – when his first squad were eliminated, he had not wept, and he had never properly mourned for a solider. Yet, here he was, his commander and friend Erwin gone, and he didn’t know what to do with himself. This world took what it wanted and never relented – not even for the last connections people had. 

Levi didn’t notice when Eren began to pull him up the stairs, waving away the soldiers that had peeked out their doors, gawking at the captain. He didn’t notice Eren taking him to his room, removing his headscarf and face covering for him, carefully smoothing out his hair. Eren pushed Levi to sit on his bed, kneeling down in front of him.

Levi didn’t say at him, only looking at Eren in tired anguish. Eren made the bold move to place his hands on the captain’s face, moving the pads of his thumbs over his cheeks, wiping away the remainder of his tears. His face was red, his normally pale skin now blotchy, and his eyes were hooded and swollen, completely devoid of life. 

“I’m sorry, Captain,” Eren whispered soulfully, his hands not yet moving away from his face. “I want to thank you and I’ve not considered how difficult a decision that was. I know there is nothing I can say to change anything, but I need you to know that you have support here and you do not need to hide your pain. And this may not bring you comfort, but I truly believe that Armin will continue the work that Erwin has carried with him.”

Levi didn’t say anything and just stared at Eren, his breathing shallow. Eren didn’t want to leave him, but he understood that the captain most likely didn’t want him around for much longer. But as he stood up to leave, a hand shot out and grabbed onto Eren’s wrist. 

“Please stay.”

If the world were not so silent, Eren would have believed that he didn’t hear him correctly. But as Levi’s grip didn’t loosen, Eren let himself come nearer to the captain. As he lay down in bed, Eren followed, carefully bringing the covers over the two of them, turning on his side to face Levi. 

His eyes were already closed, though he wasn’t asleep. Eren moved a strand of hair away from Levi’s face, his touch trailing his skin along his temple, marvelling at the softness. He could not bring himself to touch the captain in any other way, instead waiting for his breathing to slow, letting his eyelids fall shut as his mind wandered. 

When he awoke with the smaller man wrapped around him, their bodies connected at almost every point, fear and apprehension started firing alarms in his head. The pleasant sensation of human contact was something Eren wanted to get drunk on, but at the same time he wanted to reject everything, as the butterflies erupting in his stomach was what he had vowed he would never find the time for. 

When Levi opened his eyes, he did not immediately move away from Eren. If anything, he shuffled closer, entangling their legs together and pressing his face against his collarbone. 

“You take up too much of the bed, brat,” he mumbled against Eren’s skin. His tone was back to its bored state, although it was a lot softer than normal.

Eren chuckled nervously, praying Levi couldn’t hear how fast his heart was beating. “You have every right to kick me out, sir.” 

Levi didn’t reply, instead tightening his arms around Eren’s midsection. In turn, he rolled onto his back, pulling the captain to lay on his chest, running his hands through his hair, twirling the dark strands around his fingers, as natural as anything. 

Though the sun hadn’t completely risen, small beams of light were streaming between the gaps in the curtains. Golden light shone down on the captain, making his skin shine in the morning glow. His long dark lashes fluttered, relishing the touch on his scalp. Eren didn’t like being this out of control with his feelings, but he couldn’t bring himself to be ashamed of how he revered the man laid on top of him. 

“The decision was ultimately mine,” Levi spoke out quietly, not looking at Eren. “And although it causes me distress, I do not regret my choice.” 

Eren frowned. “I don’t understand. Why don’t you put yourself first?”

“I did what Erwin would have wanted. He needed to rest.”

“But – “ 

Levi raised his head, looking up at Eren. “Stop.” His expression was hard, something Eren was more familiar with. “Erwin has led an incredible life and I also have no doubt that Armin will continue his legacy. We won’t make his life mean nothing – even if he didn’t get to the basement, we won’t make his goal meaningless.”

Eren shut his mouth, nodding at the captain. 

“Also, I have no more to say about last night,” Levi continued. “This will not be spoken about – do you understand me?”

He didn’t know if he expected anything other than that, and Eren couldn’t find a reason to disagree or argue against him. 

“Yes, sir.”

*

These trysts in either Levi’s or Eren’s quarters in various locations, however, did not come to an end. As the Scouts planned and prepared for a mission beyond the walls, the two men found that they were spending more and more nights together. Somehow, it went right under everybody’s noses that this was happening – although Hange always kept an annoyingly observant eye on the pair. 

Even in an environment when falling in love was detrimental, that was not what was going on with Eren and Levi – at least that’s what they told themselves. Human contact was hard to come by, and strangely enough, having someone sleep next to you did help when it came to nightmares. There were times when Eren didn’t know who he was kidding – but most of the time, he pushed those bubbling feeling down, supressing it. 

As well as physical comfort, the two sought emotional stability within each other. They would spend most sleepless nights talking about everything, discovering more about each other than most others knew. Eren learnt about Levi’s past, about his uncle Kenny and how he was raised, how he was left to fend for himself when his uncle believed he could be left alone. He also learnt how much he enjoyed peppermint tea; that he cleaned in order to distract himself from the thoughts that threatened to send him spiralling at any quiet moment; how he used to long to be a gardener (“if you laugh, I will slit your throat, Jaeger”); and how dark chocolate was his guilty pleasure, especially now it was harder to come by. In turn, Levi learnt that Eren had first killed at nine years old, protecting Mikasa; how he could now see his father’s memories and there was nothing he could do to shut them out; how his one only true friend has always been Armin; that, like Sasha, he had an immense love for meat, though always kept it to himself so Mikasa and his mother would have more; how he has always wanted to be a soldier, but now that he was one, all he wanted was to lie down and sleep for a thousand years; and how he always yearned for a dog, but he was never allowed one. 

Although most of the things they spoke about were trivial and mundane, it meant everything to them – in a world where stillness never occurred, they had that time to be quiet together. Even now, when they know more about the world than ever, a moment of peace was always sought for. 

More Survey Corps had been enlisted and trained, though it was different than before – instead of the titans being the enemy, it was the mysterious Marley people beyond the walls, threatening their existence. Thanks to the Executioner of Death, most titans had been destroyed so encountering the beasts was no longer as big a problem as before – especially now humanity, though technically the Eldians, had to live with the knowledge that titans were formerly people. 

Hange and Levi took to training the new Survey Corps, and Eren was there to educate them on what they now knew about titans and the outside world, as well as his titan-shifting abilities. They were attempting to keep Armin’s new status as the Colossal Titan as secret as possible, as they only wanted to harness his power when absolutely necessary. 

As the year passed on, Eren grew more and more weary. Now with seven years left to live and a mass of enemies he didn’t know he had, depression was easy to sink into as the bleakness of life only grew darker by the day. 

*

“We leave at dawn,” Levi whispered, words muffled against the back of Eren’s neck. “There’s still time for you to cut your hair.”

Eren chuckled. “You’d love that too much. And I like annoying you.”

They were sat on Levi’s bed, the sun disappearing over the horizon. The small group of Survey Corps were ready to set off beyond Wall Maria to find the place where the Eldians were pushed off the wall and turned into titans, and subsequently finally reaching out to the mostly faceless enemy. 

Everyone had eaten and was ordered to bed, though the normal nerves were not present this time – apprehension had taken its place. 

Levi was sat behind Eren, his legs either side of his body, arms coming around his middle. Eren’s hands were linked with his, fingers caressing the small scars littering Levi’s skin. 

“Don’t think they’ll be much sleeping tonight from anyone,” Eren mused. “Armin is so excited about seeing the sea, he was practically bouncing off the walls.” 

“I can’t say I’m not intrigued myself.” Levi put his chin on Eren’s shoulder, staring at the red line across Wall Maria. “Let’s hope we don’t encounter any titans.”

Eren made a disgruntled sound, his grip tightening involuntarily. “I don’t think I can ever kill another titan by my own hands again.”

“Me neither.” 

That was another thing they had a mutual understanding on – ever since Levi discovered titans were most likely human once, a discomfort had settled deep in the pit of his stomach, his swords no longer feeling like an extension of himself. Similarly, Eren had not been able to watch the slaughter of the titans ever since his father’s memories had surfaced, not that anyone could blame him – the only fight he had in him at the moment was for the enemy titan-shifters and the Marleys. 

Eren gave Levi’s hands another squeeze. “You need to shower – you stink.”

Levi pinched him. “You dare suggest such a thing?”

“Shift it. It’s a three-day journey.”

He shuffled away from Eren, giving him a small shove. “Who would have thought a smelly brat like you would be giving me lectures about hygiene.”

Eren laid back on the bed, hands behind his head. “You’re losing your touch, old man.”

He revelled in Levi’s small laugh, a rarity to the ears, but beautiful as always, as he left the room, walking down the corridor to the communal showers. 

Eren groaned loudly, overcome by the familiar wave of denial and shame, his conscious telling him that he needed to stop, to repress it further. 

He is his captain. He is his leader. Nothing more. 

/He is my light./ 

/He is my hope./

The heels of his palms pressed into his eyes as apprehension bubbled in his stomach. Visions of the captain swam before him, entangled with memories that were not his own and knowledge that he could not touch. He could not love him. He would not love him. 

His thoughts drifted away, a memory of Mikasa arising before him.

*

“I know, Eren.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Mikasa raised an eyebrow, her eyes sad but piercing through him. “You’ve never been good at hiding things from me.” 

Eren frowned at her, turning away to look back in his mirror, scraping his hair back into a ponytail. “Just let me get ready for training and stop being cryptic.”

“I know you love him.”

His arms stiffened, the elastic snapping against his fingers. “You don’t know what you’re saying.”

“I know better than anyone.”

Guilt washed through him like icy water and Eren avoided eye contact. The pining in her voice was painful to listen to. 

“You need to tell him, Eren.” 

He turned around, expression incredulous. “You’re insane,” he hissed. “And you’re not even close to being right, so shut up.” 

Mikasa huffed in irritation, placing her hands on the back of his chair either side of his shoulders. “Don’t even bother lying. I’ve known you since we were nine years old – I could spot it from a mile away. I’m surprised no one else has picked it up either, it’s frankly disgusting how obvious you are.” She kept speaking despite Eren’s splutters of protest. “Tell Captain how you feel – I’m sure the feeling will be mutual.”

Eren turned around to look at her, his expression guarded, though fear was evident in his eyes. “I can’t,” he whispered. “We can’t love anyone with this life, especially my life. I only have several years left – what sort of relationship would that be? And what’s the point when it could all end tomorrow? Mortality rates are not very encouraging, and besides, he – he isn’t for me anyway.”

“Eren.” 

He looked away, frustrated at the easy tears pricking his eyes. He wasn’t ready for this conversation – hell, he never thought he would have it, assuming he’d die before it came out. Yet, here he was, and because his stupid kind-of sister was always up in his business. 

She came to stand next to him, her own head turned away from him. “I have loved you for all too long,” she said, her voice catching in her throat as she began to tremble. “And I’ve always wanted you to be safe if you could not be happy. I needed you to be alive… and here you are. If I had to live the years you have left, I would tell you everything – everything my heart and soul contains for you – and I know it would kill me if I didn’t do so.

“So I’m telling you that you cannot let your damned stubbornness and pride stop you from being honest and authentic. You must tell him – you will be regretful if you don’t.”

Eren didn’t have to look at Mikasa to know she was crying. 

“He – “She took a shuddering breath. “He must know that he is who you live and breathe for. He is why you’re alive – he has saved you countlessly, put you before himself too often, and fought for you for longer than anyone thought he would. He must – he is protecting you in ways I wish I could. And there will never be enough years in my lifetime to thank him for protecting you and loving you.”

Mikasa turned back to look at Eren. Tears stained her cheeks, but she had a pained yet small smile on her face. 

“Please, Eren.”

His own eyes were wet – he didn’t even know when he had started crying. 

“Tell Levi.”

* 

Eren shook his head, screwing up his eyes. Mikasa was always getting to him. 

Maybe it was because she was always right. 

There really is nothing on this earth like Levi. 

He got up, pacing the room in a circle. His thoughts were moving too quickly, his heart beating too fast. Heat was rising off him, anxiety churning inside him. 

This was not resolved as quickly as he hoped; the door opened and Levi walked in, his clothes in one hand and a towel wrapped around his waist. 

This was not a sight Eren was unfamiliar with – on hotter days, shirts were often shed so seeing Levi in part of his glory was normal. But with all these thoughts tangling his head up, with Mikasa’s pleas echoing in his thoughts, and with his genuine admiration with the captain overwhelming him – Eren felt something inside him snap. 

Levi raised his eyebrows at the sight of Eren stood in the middle of the room, now gawking at the captain. 

“Cat got your tongue, brat?” he asked, amused at Eren’s dumb expression. 

That stupid smile. That stupid fucking smile. 

In several strides, Eren had crossed the room, towering over Levi. He didn’t give the captain any time to ask him what he was doing – hands splayed each side of Levi’s head, caging him in.

As Levi opened his mouth, Eren silenced him, pressing his lips against his. 

Heat exploded – Levi grabbed Eren’s face, pulling him even closer so he was crushing him against the door. He kissed him back with a desperation that Eren wasn’t quite prepared for, fingers threading through his hair and tugging. In return, Eren’s hands gripped onto Levi’s waist, grabbing flesh so tightly that he was sure there would be bruises later. Their chests and hips connected, the two kissing and biting at each other’s lips roughly, pent-up frustration finally being released. 

After nowhere near enough time, Eren forced himself to pull away, a string of saliva connecting their lips. He looked down at Levi, whose eyes were blown wide and lips were swollen and pink. 

He had never seen him look so wonderful. 

Eren ran a thumb over Levi’s bottom lip, staring hungrily at his mouth. After such a long time of supressing his emotions and feelings, Eren felt like he could finally breathe, that he could finally look at Levi without shame or as if he were hiding something. 

Levi looked back at him. Thankfully, his expression was not one of disgust or anger. If anything, he looked as relieved as Eren felt. 

“Fuck,” he sighed, his head hitting against the wood. “You’ve just made the dumbest decision out of all your dumb decisions, shithead.”

Eren found himself laughing. “Yes – yes, I can’t deny that.”

Levi’s hands ran up and down Eren’s arms, taking his time to caress the definition of his muscles. “You know, I really thought this would never come up.”

Eren let his forehead rest on the door next to Levi’s head. “Did you hope it wouldn’t?”

Levi didn’t answer straightaway, instead leaning forward to start peppering kisses along Eren’s neck, dragging his lips slowly on his scorching skin. He gripped his biceps, sinking his teeth softly onto his pulse point, eliciting a noise from Eren. “I’m still mulling it over – however, I don’t see much reason in being sensible as I figure it out.”

“So what do you want?”

He was moving across Eren’s jaw at a snail’s pace, tracing the bone along to his chin, eventually coming to stop in front of his lips, hovering mere inches away. 

“I want to know what it’s like to give all you have to someone whilst teetering on the end of the world,” he murmured, eyes flickering up to meet Eren’s. They were shining in the coming darkness, for once not full of torment and suffering. “I want to be something other than a captain or humanity’s strongest soldier. I want to be a man.”

Eren’s heart was racing, but the anticipation and excitement fuelling his veins settled the nerves in his stomach. “I can let you be a man. Not just tonight – whenever you want – anything you want, I will find a way to give it to you.”

Levi had never looked so vulnerable and open. His bare chest was heaving, his eyes were wide, his lips slightly parted. And he was looking at Eren in a way which he realised he had looked at him hundreds of time, but now – now there was no guard. 

“Please, Eren.”

Their lips met again, only this time they moved slowly with no rush. Eren was almost brought to tears at how sweet and loving this touch was like, a touch he had wished he had discovered sooner. His hands moved up and came to hold Levi’s face, cradling the back of his neck whilst running his thumbs over his cheeks. A strange noise came from Levi’s throat, his eyebrows furrowing as he opened his mouth against the other man, letting their tongues slide over each other as they came ever closer together, Eren’s thigh slotting in between Levi’s.

He could do this forever, wishing that the world would be kind enough to pause for a small eternity so he could spend as much time as he pleased getting to kiss Levi, to explore every part of him, to crack him open and indulge in everything he had, to meld their bodies and souls together. Alas, he knew tonight would be shorter than most, and he didn’t know when they would next have a moment like this. 

Levi pushed against his chest, moving him backwards whilst still kissing him, guiding him to the bed. As he sat down, Eren wasted no time straddling him, sitting in Levi’s lap, chasing his lips. 

He chuckled lowly, rumbling in his chest as he carefully pulled away from Eren, a lazy and calm expression on his face. “Easy, brat. Give me a second.” 

“What for?” Impatience was laced in his tone and he wasn’t surprised that Levi laughed at how whiny he sounded. 

“I’m always rushing into everything – let me have a minute to take this all in.” He trailed up Eren’s thighs, marvelling the boy sat in front of him. “I don’t want to forget any of this.”

“I thought you had some special blood that makes you unable to forget anything,” Eren teased, poking Levi’s cheek. The frown that appeared on his expression was so familiar that he couldn’t help but smile widely, despite it all. “I didn’t know you were a sap, Captain.”

“I blame you.” Seriousness then washed over his features, his eyes darkening as he fixated on Eren’s chest, his hands covering his heart. “I wasn’t supposed to do this. I promised myself the day Mother died that I wouldn’t.” He fell silent, his head falling onto his hands, leaning on Eren. 

Eren swallowed, his own mood shifting. “Me too.”

There had been countless times where they had rejected their impulses, punishing themselves for almost giving in. Nights where Levi would tense in order to stop himself from closing the gap between them. Mornings where Eren reluctantly moved away from the hardness pressing into his back. Moments when their hands would reach out then immediately be pulled back, snapping to their sides. Days when they would force themselves to look away from each other. 

They had finally broken the seal, and as much as Eren was relieved, he also wanted to curse himself out. He didn’t have to ask to know Levi was feeling the same way. 

The captain looked back up at him. Over time, he had seen Levi become more open and kinder, at least towards him. His usually guarded and bored expression melted away when they were alone or in fleeting moments when they caught each other’s attention. He had become no less a threat, but Eren got to see even more to Levi than the captain of the Survey Corps. Right now, his tired face was relaxed and no longer troubled, and it was like he was looking at an infinite starry night. 

Eren moved Levi’s damp hair away from his eyes, gently pressing a kiss to his forehead, the intimacy and anticipation eating at him in the most delectable way possible.   
“I am yours,” he breathed out, relishing in Levi’s clean scent. “Until the end.”

Levi shuddered, eyes fluttering shut. He grabbed a fistful of Eren’s shirt, nails digging into his skin. “I think I might explode.”

“Then let’s do that together.”

They made eye contact again – they were surer of this than they had been about anything before. 

Lips collided again and this time they did not resurface. 

Eren’s clothes were pulled off, Levi’s mouth quickly covering the exposed skin. Undergarments and towels were pushed away, the two laying down together in a way they hadn’t dared before. There was so much to do, so much to say without words. They mapped each other out, blessing every surface, every scar – it was eons before their hands moved further down past each other’s stomachs. Even then, the attention was fixated on each other, their eye contact rarely breaking, trying so hard not to miss anything. Candlelight flickered in the darkness, so they could see everything. Levi arched his back and made noises that Eren would have burned into his memory forever; Eren kissed and sucked at his hips, looking up at him as his hands moved up and down his sides, caressing him and caring for him. Levi murmured praise against Eren’s inner-thigh as he massaged his insides, soothing him through the initial discomfort turned pleasure, feeling himself harden impossibly more at Eren’s whimpers. 

When they finally became as close as any two people could possibly be, it didn’t feel like enough, even though the two of them needed to pause for several moments, panting at the overwhelming sensations that threatened to end this prematurely. They started slow, looking into each other’s eyes with a powerful intensity that silenced them, their hands clasped together, and their foreheads connected. As their movements quickened, everything swelled, Eren’s moans pulled out of him as he arched his back, which only increased in volume as Levi sighed into his ear, biting at it with growing desperation. They knew the others would hear them, but neither could care as their satisfaction mounted. When Eren rolled them over so Levi was beneath him, he blushed under Levi’s passionate stare, the fire inside him burning brighter as he saw how his mouth was slack and how he was staring at Eren like he had never seen something so bright and beautiful. His hands planted on his chest as Levi held his ass, thrusting upwards so swiftly that Eren’s vision whitened at the edges, unable to hold back his cries. He touched his lips and almost started to sob at the sight of Levi closing his mouth around his two fingers, swirling his tongue around the digits, his groans vibrating against Eren’s skin. 

Eren pulled him up so he was sitting, still riding the captain. His arms came around Levi’s shoulders and he kissed him feverously, their sounds muffled against each other’s mouths. Sweat was pouring off their backs and everything was coming to a breaking point. 

Levi wrapped a hand around Eren and the other went to hold the back of his head, tugging at his hair, forcing him to look into his eyes. They were both blown wide and filled with emotion. He stuttered out Eren’s name, the sound catching in his throat as his eyes began to shine. 

The delicious pleasure was too much – Eren was crying out, the tightness in his lower abdomen finally releasing. He saw Levi’s expression twist, his movements quicken impossibly as he shouted out Eren’s name like a chorus, increasing Eren’s pleasure tenfold. Their bodies stuttered against each other, Levi now pulled against Eren’s chest as he gasped for air. Their faces were wet, and they were both trembling, clinging to each other as if afraid they would disappear. 

When they finally broke away from each other, Eren couldn’t stop his tears, the steady stream refusing to stop. Levi cleaned the two of them, and all the while Eren cried, choking on his sobs. He was swaddled by the captain, soothing his hair and whispering words of comfort against his cheek. And still he cried, the flow only stemming when he was too exhausted to stay awake. 

*

Levi was still there when Eren opened his eyes, lying beneath him as he held him in his sleep, his chin atop his head. They were both naked, collapsed on top of the covers.   
The depression that had stayed away last night was back again and Eren could feel his previous elation seeping out of him as he looked at the grandfather clock stood in the corner of the room. He knew that the time was almost here – their moment was almost over. 

“You think too loudly.”

His eyes hadn’t opened, but Levi’s voice was low and raspy. 

Eren nuzzled his chest, sighing heavily. “I’m sorry.”

Levi’s hand started carding through his hair by the nape of his neck. “You slept – I didn’t think you would.” 

“Should we get ready?”

“Not yet.”

Eren tightened around Levi, shuffling up so his face was pressed against his neck, his legs tangled with the captain’s. Logistically, he knew this wasn’t the end but a dark mass in his head knew that nothing would be the same when they reached the end of this island. 

Levi turned his head, kissing his forehead lightly. “I think I might need to accept this,” he grumbled. 

“What do you mean?”

Levi sighed heavily, eyebrows knit together, and eyes closed. “You’re such a fucking pain in my ass, you know that right.”

Eren huffed. “Tell me something I don’t know.”

“I love you, Eren Jaeger.” 

He froze, eyes widening. He looked up at Levi sharply, almost hitting his chin with his head. “What?”

Levi’s manner was too neutral for the situation. He kept playing with Eren’s hair, tutting to himself. “To be fair, maybe that is common knowledge. I really should have cut your hair in your sleep when I had the chance.”

“You love me?”

The captain’s expression relaxed, his lips parting. “Yes. I don’t touch anyone, and I especially don’t let just anyone touch me.”

Eren kept staring, mouth opening and closing as he tried to find his words. He wasn’t stupid – it wasn’t like this was the biggest revelation he had seen in his lifetime – but all the same, it took him a while to find his footing. 

“Why?”

It was a dumb question, a question that Eren knew Levi would have no patience for. However, the captain moved the man, so they were both laying on their sides, looking into his eyes with a calm certainty. 

“Hell if I know – you were supposed to be another one of my subordinates. But of course, you came to me already special so I had more interest than I normally would, and then before long that shitty grin and irritating attitude grew on me like a rash.”

He didn’t sound irritated or bitter, in spite of his word choice. Instead, he sounded serene, like he was aware of his damnation but didn’t care. 

“I understand if that was too strong – these are my feelings, but I don’t expect them to be –"

Eren closed the gap between them, gently cutting Levi off. If he let him talk more, Eren was sure he would start crying again, and he was too tired and happy to let that happen.   
They kissed and held each other tenderly, their hands exploring each other’s bodies with innocent sweetness. Though there was no sexual charge, Eren could feel himself getting riled up with the same overwhelming sensation that gripped him the night before. Breaking away from Levi’s mouth, he quickly moved down his face, past his chin, placing open-mouthed kisses all over his collarbones and shoulders, moving across his chest – all the while, mumbling the same phrase over and over, imprinting it into Levi’s skin. 

“I love you… I love you… I love you… “ 

Eren worshipped every inch of Levi he could lay purchase on, his lips following his hands, whispering urgently against him, willing that he and Levi would walk away from what was coming together, praying to anyone that would listen that he, one day, wanted to have the opportunity and time to love this man like he should have been loved his whole life. He wanted – no, needed – to love Levi for longer than he would be able to. 

Eren reached for Levi’s hands, but only one was present. He looked up and saw, for the second time in all the days he had known the captain, that tears were streaming down his face, his other hand covering his mouth as he held back the sound of him crying. 

“Damn it,” Levi groaned, rubbing his eyes furiously. “You idiot.”

Eren clambered back up to help clear his tears away, kissing his cheeks. “We’re in this together,” he murmured, kissing him chastely again. “I love you.” 

“I love you too,” Levi replied, pulling his face in. 

They began to move against each other, the passion encasing them in another brief bubble of reconciliation, a new smouldering fire kindling in their bellies. This time, they were quieter and more drawn out, only letting out sighs and gasps into each other’s mouths, languidly tangling their tongues together as they held each other, moving in sync as they both savoured each other’s gratification, moving until they both reached their high together, panting out words of love and admiration, drawing out their pleasure for as long as they could. 

Later, when they had to get up and get ready for the expedition beyond the walls, Eren’s sorrow had not completely vanished – there was still so much to come, and he didn’t know if he was ready for it. But having his friends and fellow soldiers by his side, having Levi next to him, and knowing he wasn’t going to be alone, Eren still managed to hold on to a sliver of hope as they rode away from the walls, travelling for three days on horseback. 

And they reached the sea, and it was everything Armin had talked about and more. And although he mused sombrely about the enemies on the other side, Levi was there with a hand on his shoulder, looking out at the horizon with him. 

And once Levi took his hand, entangling their fingers together, Eren felt it again – that peace he wanted to see in his future. A peace he had so little faith in, but a peace that was possible. 

Eren regretted a lot of things he had done in his journey over the past six years – but he would never regret opening his heart to love.


End file.
